Hey, At Least I Can Fit In My Jeans Again...

Besides working at WCSH-TV, I also teach aerobics at Women's Fitness Studio & Spa in Brunswick. After having Rosa in September, I was determined to start teaching again as soon as possible, but I knew after having a C-section, it would take time. I waited the obligatory six weeks to heal, and got right back on the horse, and was teaching by the beginning of December.

This photo was taken at the beginning of February and truly represents one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. It was worse than being naked in front of the entire OB Staff at Midcoast Hospital during my surgery, worse than tripping on the treadmill back in college and slamming into the wall behind it, and even worse than walking around work last week with my fly down. That's because this moment I was performing my aerobics routine at a strip mall in Brunswick during a health fair for a local hospital. Yes, Brunswick Alums, this is how far I have come: performing on a plywood stage at the Cook's Corner Mall.

I felt like one of those live mannequins that people laugh at. I felt like the freak attraction at the circus. Oh, believe me, I didn't volunteer for this job, I reluctantly agreed to join another instructor for this torture, only to discover later that this instructor had backed out and I would be alone. But the worst part was this was the same strip mall that I used to wonder around when I was a kid. Now, I was the freak attraction for the current teenagers to stare at and snicker. And snicker they did... I think the only people who stopped to watch the routine were the teenagers who made fun of me, and parents of my friends growing up; and oh yes, they laughed too. In fact, the person who laughed the hardest was my own father, who took the photos to commemorate my misery. I felt like I was in high school all over again.

We never outgrow those feelings of insecurity and self-doubt. As we get older, we get more comfortable in our own skin, but as humans, I think we all feel a little self-conscious from time to time. Now that I have a child of my own, I can only hope I can teach her to look past her future bullies and humiliations and see the bigger picture. But as Lester Burnham (Kevin Spacey) says in the movie classic "American Beauty":

"I wish I could tell her that's all going to pass, but I don't want to lie to her."