Looking Back At My Single Self

Sometimes, in secret, I do something that no mother ever wants to admit: I long for the careless days past, when I (*gasp!) didn't have a baby or a man. Yes ladies... there are moments when I really miss my single life. I believe there are times when we all miss the solitude, the silence and the squeaky-clean homes of our single days, but mothers are not allowed to speak of it. So today, I'm taking a stand, and speaking out.

If you subtract 18 months of my life, I was just a single girl, living in a small apartment with my cat. I had been dating Matt for a few years but we had no plans to move in together. Then Rosa added a big surprise and life changed very quickly.

Here is my list of the top ten things I miss about being single.

• 1). Clean Apartment: no XXL men's clothing on the floor, no dirty bottles, no baby toys to trip over, no extra dishes to clean, no extra laundry to wash, (I could go on forever.)
• 2.) Extra time: for work, exercise, play, everything must be planned in advance!
• 3.) No one to check in with: I could come and go as I pleased.
• 4.) No stroller: how I would love to go out for a run and not have to plan around weather, naps or strollers!
• 5.) Time with friends: back in the days without babies or boyfriends, it was all about the girls!
• 6.) Sleep: ok new moms, enough said!
• 7.) That "new-loving feeling": when you have a baby, your relationship changes in a few ways that I won't detail in this blog.
• 8.) Cocktails: if I even hint about drinking alcohol around others (usually non-parents who don't have a clue)...I get judged; "Um, Jen, are you allowed to drink?"
• 9.) Solitude: my favorite thing used to be curling up in front of a chick flick with a pint of Ben & Jerry's with a celebrity magazine. That never happens any more.
• 10.) Quiet: I am an only child. I like silence from time to time. I miss walking into my empty apartment after a hectic day at work and having a glass of wine...alone.

Now I am not trying to dismiss the joys of my present life. I love my child more than life itself, and can't believe how lucky I am. Sometimes I just stare at her and wonder how such a marvelous creation could come from me! I also love being in a relationship with a sexy man and feeling that security day in and day out. But, there are also some days when I look back, and remember how lucky I was before the baby. It's wonderful to be in love with your child and your partner, but we all need to be in love with ourselves too. Every mom needs to treat herself to a slice of her single days from time to time... even if it's just an afternoon.