Co-Sleeping...Yay or Nay?
Imagine this. It's 7am, your snuggled in your nice warm bed, you roll over and hear the cute, innocent little voice of your 3 year old whisper "Good Mornin' Momma!" Yeah, it instantly puts a smile on your face, how could it not. But to have this happen every morning, it starts to get old.
Yup, we've fallen into the trap. We've become weak parents and every night our 3 year old, quietly climbs into our bed. I've read in some mom forums that some parents are all for this, they believe it is best for the child and parents. I don't see how getting kicked in the side, head butted or slapped at in the middle of the night is good, let alone what it has done to our sex life.
When my brother was a young child he slept in my parents bed til he was almost 5. Noooooo! I will not let this happen! But what steps do I take to stop it? He's so quiet and sneaky that some nights I don't even hear him come into our bed. And the nights that I do hear him, I immediately take him back into his bed, but some nights I don't have the energy to go through the tantrum of putting him back in his bed. He's recently been telling us that he's scared, that he has monsters in his room (oh what TV can do to a child's mind.) And while hearing him tell me these things wants to make me hold him til he feels safe, I'm getting the impression he's learning how to work us. Little Devil
Please tell me that I'm not alone here. Are we the only family who wakes up making the human 'H'?
Yup, we've fallen into the trap. We've become weak parents and every night our 3 year old, quietly climbs into our bed. I've read in some mom forums that some parents are all for this, they believe it is best for the child and parents. I don't see how getting kicked in the side, head butted or slapped at in the middle of the night is good, let alone what it has done to our sex life.
When my brother was a young child he slept in my parents bed til he was almost 5. Noooooo! I will not let this happen! But what steps do I take to stop it? He's so quiet and sneaky that some nights I don't even hear him come into our bed. And the nights that I do hear him, I immediately take him back into his bed, but some nights I don't have the energy to go through the tantrum of putting him back in his bed. He's recently been telling us that he's scared, that he has monsters in his room (oh what TV can do to a child's mind.) And while hearing him tell me these things wants to make me hold him til he feels safe, I'm getting the impression he's learning how to work us. Little Devil
Please tell me that I'm not alone here. Are we the only family who wakes up making the human 'H'?
posted by Samantha at
11:07 AM
13 Comments:
Ours sneaks in bed with us sometimes, if she's had a nightmare or if she feels bad. We've tried different tricks over the years, like a funky new nightlight, or a "Big Pooh" sleeping buddy. We even told her once that the cat eats monsters and put the cat in the room with her at bedtime.
Just be firm with him.
And lock your door.
I agree with you a family bed is not the route for me either. We began to allow our first (@3Years at the time) come in and cuddle for an hour when he woke up in the morning while we waited for his younger sister (6 months at the time) to wake up Slowly he began to wake up earlier and earlier to cuddle. That was when we discovered we were creating a bad habit. It was tough the first few nights but after we were very consitent with putting him back into bed no matter what he said he stopped. Of course if you do not wake up because he is so sneaky it will be tougher to stop the pattern.
Regarding his fear have you tried to put a light on, or making some form of "monster trap" or spray, or even giving him a hand held flashlight. I have heard of many other things that friends of mine had done to get over this phase. It will pass as soon as he can decipher between reality and pretend...
Rose
when my daughter would try that, i'd pick her up, put her in her bed, and explain that big girls don't sleep with mommy and daddy. i had to do this many times, but she finnally stopped.
Co-Sleeping....Yay
I think each family needs to decide what is best for them. We have co-slept with our daughter for 5 years.
I breasfed and found it easier to nurse in bed ( night hours ) and I guess I just became lazy about disturbing my slumber to disrupt her slumber to place her in crib.
Did I plan this? NO, in fact I was one of those people who pre-child was agaisnt co-sleeping, but like I said you need to do what is best for your family. Stages of parenting are fluid and continue to change and I know she wont co-sleep forever and I also know I will NEVER regret the snuggles.
What works for some may not work for others, but I personally, I HEART co-sleeping. Love it. Nothing better than a smiling face waking you up.
When I had a nursing infant in my bed, I felt I couldn't trust my thrashing 4 year old in the same bed. Our solution was to put a sleeping bag on the floor next to my bed. When she came into our bed in the middle of the night, she could have the security of staying with us (and I didn't have to try to fight to get her back in her own bed) and I didn't have to worry that her kicking and punching (in her sleep) would injure the baby.
as long as you are consistant whatever you do will work.
Using the technique of spraying, "trapping" or "eating" monsters sends an ominous message, I think. Aren't you confirming to your child that there really are monsters when you do that?? How will your child learn self-mastery over her fears? And what happens when the "trap' is full, the 'spray bottle' is empty, and the cat just left the building??
TOTALLY "YAY",
I will agree that every family needs to do what they feel is right, but everythign we have read about co-sleeping (MOST of the world does it, but for some reason we in the US are lead to believe it's NOT OK) is that everyone gets more sleep that way - and as a mom of 2 boys, I'm all about maximizing sleep!
Our 'family' bed is a queen in a loft with a 5 and 2 year old (2 year old still nurses to sleep), and mom and dad. DON'T get me wrong, a part of me LONGS for the day when there isn't a child between myself and my husband (OUR personal time just gets more creative, which is NOT a bad thing either!), but in the big picture of things, it'll all be here and gone before we know it.
We feel as though it's a great way to reconnect with the kids, the security that we are always there when they need us etc... Our kids are very independent during the day (one in kindergarten) and the older one has been experimenting with his bunk bed set on his own pace. Like with nursing, I feel the kids will 'wean' from the family bed when they are ready.
In my opinion, having a child in your bed is NOT a bad habit (it may be inconvenient for the ADULT), but a very nurturing thing, and if the child is coming to the parents' room, it seems a shame to send the message that they are unwelcomed there. There is probably some other need that they are trying to fill. When we decided to have children, we recognized that the needs of the kids need to be at least as important as the parent's needs, they are (little) people, and need to be shown the way.
OK, I"m stepping off my soapbox, as I just wanted to put in my 2 cents (or 3 or 4!). In the end, parenting is all about what feels right, so if it feels right to be firm and lock the door on one's child, how can I argue with that? Not for me, but I (and hubby) am the only one that has to feel good about my/our parenting decisions.
Yay! For co-sleeping.
I think it's a particularly "American" thing to shut ourselves away from our children, but I don't understand it. In other cultures, parents and children often sleep in the same area, and no one ever thinks twice. Personally, I think it's great, especially on these cold, cold days. My three youngest children have always co-slept with my husband and me, but at almost twelve, the oldest is less likely to end up in our bed during the night. The point is, they, eventually, out grow it, and I often wonder why we, parents, are in such a hurry to have our babies grow up. I have children aged six to twenty-two, and let me just say that they grow up way too fast.
I hope you can find your solution, but I would advice, strongly, against trying any sort of trickery to take away your child's fears. Kids aren't stupid, and they can see right through all of those silly games we parents play in trying to force our kids to bend to our desires. I think your best option is to reach some sort of compromise, and if you don't want your child in your bed, perhaps a bed or a pallet on the floor for him in your room would work just as well.
Every family needs to decide what works best for their own personal situation. I know we got the best sleep (everyone) when my daughter coslept with us. She has Autism and I am glad we didn't push her away and make her sleep in a differrent room. We get our best cuddling in when she sleeps with us!
I love your blog! I have a 19 year old, a 16 year old and a 2 year old! Yes I know, he was a surprise blessing! But I wanted to tell you that I let my kids sleep with me when they were babies (on and off when they were sick and then it formed into a habit) but they each grew out of it with gentle reminders of how a big boy (or girl)sleeps in their own bed. Then we make it fun by them picking out their favorite sheets or stuffed animals to sleep with. Then you can create routines they enjoy like reading a book, singing a song or some silly game like dropping them in bed every night with 3,2,1 blast off and they rocket into bed. I tuck them in and say in a silly voice stinky feet down as I cover their feet with blankets. Pick your own fun routine, but do it every night just the same. Then close the door as you say good night and each night it will get easier and easier. They can still sleep with you on occasion when they are scared or sick. They need that. I can tell you from experience that having your child sleep with you from time to time does nothing but let them know that you love them and that builds a wonderful person. My 19 year old is a great person and I am very proud of her. My 16 year old is a WONDERFUL teen without troubles and a strong head on is shoulders. I know my 2 year old will make me just as proud, because I am there for them to love them always.
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http://www.savingyourgreen.blogspot.com/
When the kiddo comes in to sleep with you, take him/her back to his bed and stay with him until he falls asleep. You can lie down too or sit/sleep in a comfy chair if you want. That way, kiddo learns to fall asleep in his bed again.
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