Project Graduation Ideas

Project Graduation season has arrived. For those that don't know, the name "Project Graduation" was coined twenty years ago by planners in Maine, when a total of eighteen people had died during graduation season due to alcohol-related crashes. Project Graduation is a gift from parents and the community to their graduates by providing an all night alcohol and drug free celebration for the graduates. I'm working on my son's class activities with a bunch of other moms (and dads) and thought I'd share the ideas we have discussed.

First, it amazes me how few locations there are in Maine for Project Graduation activities. The kids need to be active the whole night or it will be a bust, so if there isn't enough planned for them to do they'll be disappointed and want to leave.

The groups of moms (and dads) that have been involved in this process has come up with some great ideas: BBQ with barn fire, make your own ice cream sundaes, guitar hear competition, sumo wrestling suit competition, rock climbing wall, hypnotist, disco bowling, Six Flags, casino tables and nerf wars.

Good luck with your Project Graduation plans!

Schedule? What Schedule?

I've never been one for a schedule. I'm not much of a planner either, and it would be amazing if I ever made it to work on time. So when it comes to keeping another little human being on a schedule, let's just say it's been a challenge.

At first, no one expects a newborn to obey a sleeping schedule; they sleep when and where they want. But after a while, most mothers, (or so I hear) have their babies on a sleeping schedule. Their babies nap so-and-so many times at their allotted time slots, and hit their bedtimes within the same ten-minute frame every night. Their perfect angels wake up refreshed and ready to drink their scheduled 4.5 ounces of formula followed by a bath and shiny new outfit, free of stains and spit-up. Yea, I wish...

You see, my life with my 7-month old daughter Rosa is a little different. Ok, it's a lot different. My child's day is spent with a wide arrangement of caretakers: two days with daycare, two days with her grandmother and the rest with mom and dad. Rosa sleeps when she gets cranky and because of her inconsistent nap schedule, she goes to bed somewhere between 7 PM and midnight, no exaggeration.

At 7 months, the most important schedule I'm 'supposed' to be keeping track of is her food, and that is where I truly fail as a mother. I get bombarded with the comments: "So what time do you feed her solids in the day?" and "Oh my, you didn't start with vegetables, did you?" and my favorite, "Ooooh, so you're giving her formula now?"

So all you mothers out there, I confess: I am a bad mother. My child doesn't have a bedtime and I don't give her solid food every day and never at the same time, and yes, I am now using formula.

Here's my question in response. Why all the pressure? My child is happy and loved beyond belief, so is a lack of schedule really going to hurt her? I mean, at least I got her to take some solids. Check out the picture--she's now eating orange food (seriously, only orange food- her choice, not mine). Maybe next month I may try and 'schedule' something green, but don't hold your breath.

What is it to Feel Lucky?

Conversation with a mom I met a couple of weeks ago.

Her: So, does your son go to daycare?

Me: No, we actually have family that watches him.

Her: Oh, that's great, you're really lucky in that. So, you must work part time?

Me: Nope, I work full time.

Her: Ohhh, really.

(End of conversation)

What the 'Ohhh, really' really meant I'll never know, but that reaction has really stuck to me lately. I know it's sometimes causes confrontation when the conversation comes up about whether a mother should work outside the home or not, and I hope I don't hit a nerve with anyone here. In our household we've made the decision for both parents to work outside the home, for those who know me know it's not something I love, it's just the best decision for us with our circumstances. The part of the conversation that I'd like to focus on here is the 'you're really lucky in that.' part referring to us being able to have family watch our child. I get this reaction all the time when I tell people our daycare schedule. And I do believe we are very, very lucky, but there's always a downside. Growing up I've always been very close with my maternal grandmother, who happens to watch my son 2 days a week. I've also always been very close with my mother, who happens to watch my son 1 day a week. Before my son was born my mother, grandmother and I hung out all the time. We did lunch, craft fairs, shopping and just visited with each other always. I always felt I could tell them anything. Well, ya know that saying "Having a Child Changes Everything?" Besides the changes of the fact that I'll never get to get a full nights sleep again, never eat a meal without interruption from a child again, never have a clean house stay clean for a matter of seconds again, I also don't think I'll have the relationship that I had with my mom and grandmother again. It's been a little while since my mom and especially since my grandmother have had babies around. The times have changed through the years and when it comes to certain things our decisions seemed to clash. Now I find myself not talking about things that may cause confrontation, and in the times that they have caused confrontations we've walked away from the situation with feeling hurt. Hopefully as time goes on things will get better. It's not that I don't look to my older generations for help and opinions on what they think I should do in certain situations, it's just that sometimes I don't agree with them and I hope they eventually see and realize that I am the mother of this child and what I say goes. If I mess up, I need to learn from my mistakes, just like I'm sure they did. We are truly blessed with the family that we've got, I know some that don't have family at all and are forced to put their child in daycare, but just let me say I didn't think it would cause this much heartache.

Goodbye, Memere

My Memere passed away on Saturday, March 29. On March 16 she had a bad fall and broke her hip and shoulder. She was 93, and her body just wasn't strong enough to recover. She passed peacefully, my dad and mom, and my aunt and uncle were all by her side.

Memere lived a long, good life. She took care of family members when they were ill. She survived and carried on even through losing two of her children, and she missed Pepere terribly... he died just over 12 years ago. She was a "working mom" long before the term was born. She took pride in her work: for 37 years she threaded the looms at a mill that made woolen cloth, following intricate instructions in order to create tartan plaids, houndstooth, and many other types of wool fabric. She loved to crochet: she made afghans for EVERYONE! She honored and respected her family, making detailed photo scrapbooks and written histories about our ancestors that are a real treasure for us. She loved St. Anthony. She loved her Catholic faith. I will miss her very much.

Arrangements were all in Western New Hampshire. We were ready, but I was nervous for LM. This was the first funeral services that he would be attending. What would he feel? How would he manage seeing the adults in his life crying?

We talked to him about it.... that we would dress up.... there would be lots of family there, a bunch of his cousins that he knows and loves, as well as family that he had never met before. That he would see Memere in the casket, and she would look like she was sleeping, but that she wasn't, that her soul had gone to be in heaven. That if he felt unsure, we would be right there, and he could tell us anything. That what was most important was to be respectful of all the ways people would be feeling.... people would be laughing, and crying. Many people would be speaking both English and French, and he should remember both his pleases and thank yous, and his "s'il vous plait," and "merci." Lots of people will want to shake your hand. It's ok to cry. It's ok to take a break in the other room with your cousins.

LM truly was a Little Man through those three days. He was still a 6-year-old, but I was proud of him. He was sweet and kind to me, especially when my tears were falling. He discovered that opening the car door for Mommy is a very gallant thing to do. No meltdowns, even though he had gone to bed too late. When we said The Lord's Prayer at her interrment at the cemetery, I looked down and saw him saying it too....

Memere raised her sons to be kind, generous, and courteous. My father and my uncle are all that and more. Saying goodbye to my grandmother was more than a funeral: it was a moment to reflect on just how all the bitty moments of motherhood add up... how they trickle down through the generations. By the end of her life, she was the matriarch to a large family, generations of descendents. All her hugs and kisses and loving patience, all her smiles and endearments, all the small and big moments are more than those moments alone. They are what we will remember, and they are what I will try every day to carry on, in her memory.

Bowling...Final Answer!

As I mentioned in an earlier post my daughter has been trying to figure out where she would like to have her 13th birthday party...she was contemplating between a weekend of camping with 2 of her closest friends or a night at a local hotel (w/pool) with a couple friends. She has been planning this since the day after her 12th birthday party...I am sure some of you can relate. She finally made a decision and it will not be at either of the places above...SHOCKER! Recently we went bowling with the family and my daughter decided she really liked it. This did surprise me, though I don't know why...they change their minds at the drop of a dime! I am pretty sure she hated bowling a couple months ago. lol. Anyways the invites are done...there is no going back now! Bowling it is:)