Monday Morning Quarterbacking (on Friday)

Are you like me? Do you spend a lot of time on Monday going over in your head every little thing that could have made the weekend better?
If only I had spent more time with the kids.
If only I had completed more projects.
If only I had taken more time for this, and less time for that.
If only I had gone to church.
If only I had not gotten into that conversation with my husband that I knew would escalate into a full-fledged fight.
Do any of these sound familiar? Why is it we treat every approaching weekend like its New Year's Eve and every Monday like it's the day after New Year's? We promise ourselves during the week that this weekend is going to be different. This will be the weekend that we will do it all. We'll go on that picnic. We'll see that new movie; we'll all sit down for dinner and have conversations and not lectures. We'll watch old family videos together. We'll go to church as a family Sunday morning, and then whip the house into shape for the next week. Okay, I know! I'm getting a little carried away but I can dream can't I?

I've found myself reflecting on these things due to the impending graduation of my oldest son.
My time has been consumed with planning a party for him this weekend, which also happens to be the weekend of his prom. It seems that every chance I have to talk with him I'm grilling him on if he has made plans for his tux rental, if he has secured the night off from work, if he's prepared for graduation, for college, you get the picture. There is a need for these things and as his mother I can't help but feel that it's my job to see that everything is taken care of. It's really a shame that I spend so much time trying to tell him what to do when I'd much rather be telling him, "Try to find yourself, but don't worry if you get lost along the way, because that's what's supposed to happen. Make mistakes. Experiment. If you find something you like, share it with the class. Cherish it. All of it. You never know when someone you love isn't going to be around anymore. Embrace it. All of it. Even the emptiness.

Sleep in, then seize the day. Get a job, any job. Work hard. Quit a job, any job, spontaneously, dramatically, at least once in your life, because it is exhilarating.

Live it up. Cry at the credits. Move your feet on defense.

When adults ask you how school's going, give the poor suckers a break. Let them in.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Don't be mad at the world, because it's bigger than you and it will hurt you, which is not the worst thing that can happen to you. Don't get mad at the old people running this country; get even. Don't let anyone dismiss your music, and don't believe anyone's story of golden youth other than your own.
Go to school dances and games, even if you think they're mindless. But unless the spirit moves you, don't ever cheer ...We've got spirit, yes we do we've got spirit how 'bout you?'' because teen spirit smells.

Get some spirit anyway.

Pray. Party. Try harder. Slack off. Be sarcastic six days a week, but on the seventh day, rest. Contradict yourself, early and often. Search and coast. Be cautious and fearless.

No pressure, but change the world. By always saying what you feel and think, even if it's hard, even though they'll laugh at you and call you names, because the alternative will slowly, surely kill you. That's how.

Play the field, but keep your eye on the ball, because you never know if the girl you just met is going to be your wife or best pal or inspiration.

Make as many platonic friendships with members of the opposite sex as possible, because they're like good snow tires: They respond well to slippage, and they last.

Question authority, but make sure they're good questions. Make your mark. Do something that's never been done before. Live for the moment, but make plans for more moments you can live for.

Talk to somebody, anybody, about your dreams. And your problems. Especially your problems.

Don't do anything stupid - or too stupid, anyway. Lives is a cabaret, my friend, and remember, both the good times and bad times give you soul, so let the bad times roll.

Talk to your parents, or guardians, or aunts, uncles, or grandparents. They're old, not dead, and most of us remember what grade school, high school and college was like. Vividly. Painfully. Happily.

Hold your parents' hands once in awhile as you walk through this life, even if you haven't in years, even if it makes you feel a little silly. Pretend you still need them. Do something with them on a Friday night, like charades or Scrabble even if it makes you feel uncool.

Because the fact is, you are uncool, and no matter what you think, you never will be cool, because feeling awkward is part of the trip. Nobody ever really gets over it, they just cover it up. Your uncoolness is just especially exposed now, but I promise, it won't always feel like your whole body is on fire.

Which is both good and bad, so burn while you can.

Stick to your guns. Mind your manners. Talk to strangers. Don't be chicken. Lighten up. Love thy neighbor. Look out for the other guy."

That's what I'd like to tell him. Maybe I'll tell him this weekend.

The "advice" in italics was borrowed from Jim Walsh.

Looking Back At My Single Self

Sometimes, in secret, I do something that no mother ever wants to admit: I long for the careless days past, when I (*gasp!) didn't have a baby or a man. Yes ladies... there are moments when I really miss my single life. I believe there are times when we all miss the solitude, the silence and the squeaky-clean homes of our single days, but mothers are not allowed to speak of it. So today, I'm taking a stand, and speaking out.

If you subtract 18 months of my life, I was just a single girl, living in a small apartment with my cat. I had been dating Matt for a few years but we had no plans to move in together. Then Rosa added a big surprise and life changed very quickly.

Here is my list of the top ten things I miss about being single.

• 1). Clean Apartment: no XXL men's clothing on the floor, no dirty bottles, no baby toys to trip over, no extra dishes to clean, no extra laundry to wash, (I could go on forever.)
• 2.) Extra time: for work, exercise, play, everything must be planned in advance!
• 3.) No one to check in with: I could come and go as I pleased.
• 4.) No stroller: how I would love to go out for a run and not have to plan around weather, naps or strollers!
• 5.) Time with friends: back in the days without babies or boyfriends, it was all about the girls!
• 6.) Sleep: ok new moms, enough said!
• 7.) That "new-loving feeling": when you have a baby, your relationship changes in a few ways that I won't detail in this blog.
• 8.) Cocktails: if I even hint about drinking alcohol around others (usually non-parents who don't have a clue)...I get judged; "Um, Jen, are you allowed to drink?"
• 9.) Solitude: my favorite thing used to be curling up in front of a chick flick with a pint of Ben & Jerry's with a celebrity magazine. That never happens any more.
• 10.) Quiet: I am an only child. I like silence from time to time. I miss walking into my empty apartment after a hectic day at work and having a glass of wine...alone.

Now I am not trying to dismiss the joys of my present life. I love my child more than life itself, and can't believe how lucky I am. Sometimes I just stare at her and wonder how such a marvelous creation could come from me! I also love being in a relationship with a sexy man and feeling that security day in and day out. But, there are also some days when I look back, and remember how lucky I was before the baby. It's wonderful to be in love with your child and your partner, but we all need to be in love with ourselves too. Every mom needs to treat herself to a slice of her single days from time to time... even if it's just an afternoon.

13th Birthday Party Fun!

Finally my daughter's 13th birthday arrived. After allot of decision making on where to have it, she decided to have it at Yankee Lanes. We arrived a little early, which gave us time to get situated and familiar with our surroundings. The few of us that were there first headed for the arcade which had an air hockey game...woo hoo! To the boy who thought he could beat me, HA! Boy did I show him :)

The party started at 1 o'clock with pizza and drinks which were included in the price. We had 2 hours for the whole party. We then moved on to cake (supplied by me) and presents.

The last hour everyone bowled...we had 4 lanes for the party, which worked out perfectly, we had 12 kids. Towards the end they turned off the lights for galactic bowling, everything glowed in the dark. The kids loved it. They also gave out balloons, passes to come back for a free game and a bowling-pin shaped water bottle for the birthday girl. I thought they were very pleasant and helpful and I would definitely do it again.